Someone asked me, “What is your biggest regret Nancy?” Without thinking about it, my heart sank into sorrow, and right there, I wanted to burst out crying. I never thought that I would have regrets, since I try very much to live my life in the present. But if I am honest here, when the question was asked, my mind moved back into my early thirties, and I felt regret.
Although I know I did the best I could, with what I knew at the time, I still wish I knew better then. I wish I have learned those hard lessons before having children, so I could have reacted and responded with more trust and understanding during their young life. But I didn’t. And I am now living my deepest fear and the consequences of my reactions.
All I can do now is to ask for forgiveness not only to the people I offended, but to myself.
I know that things happen for a reason, and that in every struggle, there is an opportunity for growth. I am learning to accept “what is”, things as they are, and also things I cannot change. What a challenge that is, this lesson is one of the longest and hardest journeys of my life.
When my son Jessy passed away I thought that nothing in the world could hurt me that bad. God was I wrong. This morning I made one of the most difficult decisions of my life. As I am going through the process, I am letting the pain in. I am allowing it to be. This will help me to overcome my sorrow and teach me what I need to know.
I am sharing with you my story to ease my pain, to unload my thoughts, as I strongly believe we are here to help and connect with one another. I hope that if you are going through a difficult time, you will find comfort knowing that you are not alone, my heart is with you.
and I know that this too will pass.